I Heart Survivor: Redemption Island Week #6

So tonight we have another battle between good and evil. Pantene Matt lopped the head off the dragon, so I don’t anticipate he’ll have any problems with the witch. Krista you are

Krista arrives at Redemption Island and is excited to meet Matt. She has such a great appreciation for his positive attitude. I almost fall on the floor. It’s a like a prisoner on death row who meets Jesus and turns from all her wayward ways. She is walking toward the light.

Christa asks Matt if he prays a lot.

He believes God has put him here for a reason. She does too. And of course that’s true. Good always needs evil to destroy in the end, Witch! But she makes it clear that she’s going to give him a run for his money. Matt says he realizes she is a firecracker and she means business!

“You’re not sneaking under the radar, Blondie.” “Neither are you, Blondie.” "HEY!"

Gag.

So really these two are connected through hair not God.

Over at Zapatera, Steve is aghast that Stephanie and Krista voted for him. He says it was a cold slap of reality.

Really?? Who did you expect the witches to vote for? I know you’re all ex-NFL, but the ex means you’re not as young and in shape as you use to be. He confronts her, and I must say, she responds in a very concise way. She must not be thinking about sex. Clears the mind. Stephanie apologizes if it offended Steve that she voted for him, but she voted to keep the tribe strong. This is way too much for him to handle, and he flat out calls the move stupid. Steve says Stephanie has just tightened the noose around her neck and next Tribal Council, she’s out!

Steve you need to do two things. #1 – PIPE IT!

And #2 –

Getting rid of Stephanie next was always the plan so stop you’re crying and acting like you've come up with a new strategy.

The Ohmyteepees are talking about another beach day. Correction. Anna Paquin and Ashley are talking about another beach day. This sounds good in theory, but it entails all sorts of things that are wrong that I don’t need to see.

The rest of the tribe is really enjoying the spa day as well.

But hey, Ashley says she deserves to relax. It’s not like she hasn’t worked hard her whole life playing basketball and doing beauty pageants. Yeah sister, you really have put in some rough hours so best you sit on your ass while you’re trying to win $1 million. Well the whole tribe finally does relax together only to be confronted by Lose Lips Phillip.

“Girls, I have a request. I need you to check the fire every half hour or so.”

They all appease him but essentially ignore him. In a sidebar, Phillip complains that if he goes before Ashley and Anna Paquin than there is something wrong with the game. He is calling it quits to their pageant.

Over at Redemption Island,

receive tree email. It’s Krista’s luxury item, her Bible.

Matt says, “that’s awwwesome.” Krista is just glad to get some strength in words or wisdom with her relationship with the Lord. Now, as a God fearing man, all of this seems really pushed. I believe Pantene Matt but Krista? The two pray on the beach before the duel. Matt gives the day to the Lord and no matter the outcome of the duel let it bring honor to God.

Sub text: "Please, please, please God let me win."

“And thank you for letting us be together, Lord, here on Redemption Island.”

Sub text: "Thank you so much Lord for sending Krista and not Military Mike cause that sex starved lunatic could kick my ass."

Pantene Matt is grateful to have Krista because its hard not having a community of believers to lean on. If he only knew the truth.

Time for the duel! On-drea and Anna Paquin stroll in followed by Military Mike and Firefighter Julie. Jeff calls in the two competitors. The duel consists of grappling hooks, bags, balls and mazes. What are the odds they have to throw the grappling hooks at each other and pull each other’s hair out? The loser is the first one bald. No such luck.

Blonde and Blonder throw out their hooks and each get all three bags rather quickly with Krista having a slight lead at getting to the maze first. Krista starts maneuvering her ball through the maze with Matt on her tail. He drops his ball through one of the holes and starts over but quickly catches up and takes the lead. Krista loses her ball through a hole, but its too late. Matt wins his fourth duel sinking his ball in the finish pocket.

A tearful Krista hugs Pantene Matt and hands over her Bible to him before she leaves.

Jeff asks if they bonded over it; she says yes. “Matt’s a strong believer which is probably why he’s doing so well.” Indeed. God placed a high wager on Matt with his bookie so he’s pulling the extra string for him! On-drea is none too pleased with this new blonde dipping into her territory.

Krista makes a buff burning exit saying in a sidebar that she and Matt decided that the Lord’s will would be done today and clearly it was her time to go.

See ya, Witch!

Interestingly enough, On-drea was indeed a little miffed at the coziness between Matt and Krista. She noticed how bonded they were in such a short time which seems to diminish her bond with him and is thinking he may be a threat. Good girl! Just don’t go running to Lose Lips Phillip.

Over at Zapatera, Sarita is having some mouth pain. She says it's from cleaning her teeth too deep and now there’s bacteria in there so she just needs to make sure it doesn’t get infected. Firefighter Julie is wondering how she knows that (me too) and says she’s a drama queen princess in a sidebar. I think it's more likely her mouth hurts from bossing everyone. Ralph is beside himself why anyone would take a dirty stick and shove it in their gum. Why would you need to worry about the back teeth?

Firefighter Julie confers with Military Mike and the consensus seems to be that Sarita is wearing out her welcome. Defense Dave chats with Stephanie and encourages her to talk to the other members separately about aligning with the tribe against Sarita. He’s no dummy. If Sarita stays, she’s going to gun for him next.

Stephanie lies in the shelter pondering how she is going to suck up to people she hates.

At Ohmyteepee, a storm’s coming and another is brewing. Lose Lips Phillip has his saggy pink panties up in a wad because the girls aren’t gathering wood when he told them too. Ashley has a throw down with him asking him why he doesn’t talk to the boys the same way he talks to the girls. He says because they pull their weight and so does “On-drea.” “It’s Andrea,” Ashley corrects.

The Bossiah speaks the truth to BC Grant. “They’re 20-year-old girls, what do you expect?” He pulls Phillips aside and calms the storm. He acknowledges that Phillip is correct; the girls do nothing but team unity is the most important thing. I wonder how many minutes this will last.

Stephanie is doing some fast moving over at Zaptera. She approaches Steve with an olive branch apologizing for voting for him. She didn’t mean to write his name down. He is really appreciateive of it but not sure if she’s just playing the game or really means it.

Well dumb ass, you should know the answer by her next statement. She tells him who she really wanted to write down was Sarita because she believes she is the weakest member of the tribe. Then why didn’t you??? That’s what he should be asking but his soothed ego can’t see it. Steve agrees with Stephanie that she is stronger in the challenges than Sarita so time will tell if this witch has successfully cast a spell of doom for Sarita.

At the Immunity Challenge, Jeff tries to stir up some trash talk between the tribes. He asks Phillip which animal he’s using today, the lion or the gorilla. Both he says.

BOTH!?

Both.

Jeff asks what Steve’s response is to the zoo coming off of Phillip’s arms.

Challenge consists of balls, launchers, and nets. I think someone lost a tooth last time they did this challenge a few seasons ago. I’m hopeful for something as exciting. Speaking of teeth, Zapatera needs to sit someone out, and Sarita instantly volunteers. She might have given up an opportunity to get that bad chomper knocked out of her mouth!

The ball launchers for Zapatera are Defense Dave and Stephanie (a somewhat ironic pairing considering the drama in the last episode between these puzzle masters), and for Ohmyteepee the lovely Anna Paquin and Lose Lips Phillip. GRRRRRRR!!!

Out in the field the sex starved Miliatry Mike is up against BC Grant, The Bossiah with Gimpy Steve, On-drea and Firefighter Julie, and Oompa Loompa Ralph and Ashley. First round, BC Grant sprints to the ball and scores but Firefighter Julie, not so lucky.

Second round, Defense Dave sends his ball somewhere out in the ocean, but BC Grant comes through again catching Anna Paquin’s short ball.

Third round, Ralph is yelling for Dave to send one out to him. Dave complies with less than favorable results.

Meanwhile, Anna Paquin continues to use all her X-Men powers to sink the third straight ball into BC Grants net.

Fourth round, the sex starved Military Mike can’t control his urges anymore and rips Grant’s shirt off forgetting they are playing a challenge which ends Grant’s hot streak but only exasperating his own hot flashes.

Stephanie sends her ball deep intended for Steve, but The Bossiah sneaks in there and snatches it.

Fifth round, BC Grant removes the remains of his shredded shirt and barely misses another catch. The Bossiah eats some sand doing the same. No score. Sixth round, The Bossiah barely loses another ball intended for Steve, but the one-two punch of BC Grant and Anna Paquin wins the game when Grant successfully catches the winning ball.

Should Pantene Matt make it back into the game, it's going to be interesting to see who wins the initial Individual Immunity between Grant and Matt. Both seem physically unstoppable.

The Ohmyteepees are whisked away for a picnic overlooking an amazing cove.

There’s a statue nearby which The Bossiah says, “who do you think that is?” “It’s Jesus…of course,” his tribe mates answer.

I chuckle that The Bossiah can’t recognize The Messiah. But he still has eagle eyes and spies another hidden Immunity Idol clue on the table.

He can’t quite get it without being seen so he tips off Grant who grabs it. The two pretend to go check out the view. Rob continues his award winning performance.

But alas, the two are a little sloppy and get caught by Phillip (no credit given at all to his expert spy skills).

Rob cops that the clue says the idol is back at camp. In a sidebar, Phillip says he calls his alliance with The Bossiah and BC Grant “Stealth R Us.” This explains so much. So much. I need a moment.

Ok. Continue. He calls himself The Specialist, Rob The Mentalist, and Grant The Assassin. But now that the two were caught with the clue, hell have no fury than a lion and gorilla provoked!

He rambles on about honor and serving his country and when you trash on that, him and United States have something for you baby. Good night.

For now he’s just going to smile and then kick a little ass. Whatever.

Meanwhile, the Zapaterans are down in the dumps over their loss. Defense Dave continues to buzz in Steve’s ear about keeping a strong six. Sarita is well aware of Dave’s campaign to switch Stephanie for her. She says she has no intentions of campaigning. She is loyal to her team and hopes that will stand for something. Lazy.

Stephanie continues her own bid with Firefighter Julie. Julie says “its not a done deal” giving Stephanie some hope. She continues to say Sarita is the weakest player which is a different tune from last Tribal Council when she said it was Gimpy Steve. Later, Defense Dave, Miliatry Mike, Oompa Loompa Ralph, Gimpy Steve and Firefighter Julie meet to weigh their options. Julie thinks Stephanie is stronger in challenges but trusts Sarita more. Steve thinks both players are a 1 out of 10 in challenge performances. Defense Dave vehemently disagrees; he is totally in the Stephanie camp. Mike just stands there trying not to think of sex.

At Tribal Council, Jeff opens up with a question to Defense Dave reagarding any regret now with throwing the challenge to get rid of Russell. Dave confirms, perhaps they would not be where they are now if they had kept their foot on the throttle. Ralph gets the next question about the ass whoopin they received at the challenge. Ralph says something, but all I can make out is he thinks he would have done better as a shooter instead of a catcher.

Jeff asks Sarita why she sat out the challenge. Stephanie instantly jumps in saying that Sarita was “quaking in her boots” over possibly having to participate in a physical challenge. She retorts back that she would have been fine but also knows that it wasn’t her strong suit so it was better for the team for her to sit out. Defense Dave jumps in using all of his lawyer skills to confirm Jeff’s suspicion that she just didn’t want to be a scapegoat. Sarita denies this; she’s not saying she wouldn’t have been good and she would have been fine out there.

Steve fields the next question: should you keep Stephanie around just because of her spunk? Well he says that is a positive aspect of her, but Sarita is more trustworthy although he would like to see the “uptown girl” do more around camp and perform at challenges. He doesn’t think she’s quite got her footing out in the jungle. Dave jumps in again basically rambling on about the same thing.

I wish he would shut up now.

His basic stance is that trust is not an issue now; numbers is. They need to win with the strongest six. Time to vote. First vote, Sarita. Second vote, Stephanie.