Redemption Island Week #4

So if I can’t have a Fransessqua vs. Lose Lips Phillip duel to the death, Russell lopping the locks off of Pantene Matt is the next best thing. Well The Bossiah vs. Russell would be good too, but this match-up will suffice. Russell awakens Pantene Matt from his slumber. He apparently had plans to rob the local Nicaraguan bank the next morning but that will have to go on the back burner.

And that's also a loaded question when referring to this Golden Child. Keep knocking but don't hold your breath. Pantene Matt makes the ironic observation that he was blindsided by Rob and now has to fight Russell to stay in the game. But Russell has plans to take over his house, or lean-to as the case may be.

Over at Ohmyteepee, the tribe has had it with Phillip's deteriorating Underoos. I’ll give an amen to that.

Apparently, things are hanging out that shouldn’t be hanging out. Put the mouse back in the house Lose Lips!! NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT!

Phillip is aware that he’s lacking in the social game so he has a plan to go “undercover.” For the sake of the tribe and all of our eyes, I’m hoping he starts with putting his coconuts undercover.

At Zapatera, Stephanie and Krista are mourning the loss of their leader by sunbathing. Stephanie laments being stuck “with all these goobers.” Now that’s the second time that word has come up in two episodes. Pantene Matt used it last week and now Stephanie. I really don’t support the youth of America bringing this word into every day use, but I do need to get my hands on this record:

Oompa Loompa Ralph takes the opportunity to show the rest of the tribe that he has the idol while Russell’s witches lay on the beach.

Serita about jumps out of her bathing suit. Ralph thinks he has them “captured” now, and I think his Oompa Loompa head is getting way too big for his britches.

It’s time to pick two players to go watch Russell pull Pantene Matt’s wig off. The Ohmyteepee’s don’t seem to care so Kristina says she wants to go and Lose Lips Phillip wants to as well because, now I don’t know if you know this or not, but he was a secret agent for the United Stages government. So of course gathering intel is in his blood. If only he had been an agent for The Gap then grabbing pants would have been in his blood. The Zapatereans are fine with Serita demanding that she get to go with Ralph.

While Russell gets his game face on, Pantene Matt does his pre-duel lock whip to center himself.

He is fighting to honor his God, and since he wants it so “deeply and so truly” he thinks he’s going to come out on top. Plus the fact that God loves Pantene Matt and hates Russell so that helps too. The duel consists of building dominoes around trip rope to release a ball which will break a tile. Piece of cake. I have no prediction here. I’d rather see Russell go, but they both bug the crap out of me.

Matt takes an early lead and gives his tiles a try. The dominoes fall short, and he has to restack half of them!

Russell gives his blocks a shot and his fall short!

Pantene Matt resets and gives his blocks another shot this time with success. Matt wins and sends Russell packing!

Russell is out, and he starts sobbing.

I mean really?? Really??

The only nice thing about this moment is seeing the humanity of the other players.

"He is human!"

"Russell's sad. That makes me sad. Sadness makes me hungry. I wish I had a chicken so I could break it's neck and eat it."

"I'm sorry, dude. Jesus loves me better than you. I'm just prettier"

Well almost everyone has a moment of humanity.

"What is that water coming out of his eyes?? Should someone get medical?"

Jeff prods to get behind the emotion. Russell lets loose about having had to play with a bunch of pee wee’s while he had to run the ball. Ralph’s big britches get the best of him. He can’t keep quiet and brings up the point that Russell wouldn’t show them the clue but no matter.

“He’s got competition on his hands now.” Ah Ralph…in case you weren’t watching he just got his butt kicked and is out of the game and no longer competition. But everyone else around you is and now know you have the idol!

Russell asks to see the idol, which he starts digging around for.

Ralph stops short of pulling out the idol and tries to back peddle and says that he was faking. Russell is eating this up. Jeff asks Ralph to confirm that what he just said about having the idol was a lie at which point Lose Lips Phillip suddenly turns repeating, “it was not a lie, it was not a lie, I earn my living discerning if people are telling the truth or not and you have an idol.”

He blows a circuit as smoke starts to pour out of his ears.

Then Russell starts exposing the alliances to Phillip and Kristina saying that he will remain in the game through them. Oh Russell, if those two are your hope at staying in the game…

Burn your buff already and get the hell off my show. He says this is the last time he’s playing this game at which I let out a whoop. It would be a Christmas Miracle if we never see this guy again.

Over at Ohmyteepee, The Bossiah creates one of the best masterminded plans I’ve ever seen in Survivor history. With Lose Lips Phillip and Kristina gone, he makes up a “Royal Treatment” game to be played somewhere down the beach where the sand is nice. He lays the groundwork that things aren’t going right down below.

Once he gets the tribe way down the beach, he excuses himself to the woods at which point he high tails it back to camp to look for the idol. He has no clue where it is and digs everywhere and climbs every tree to no avail.

But suddenly he miraculously finds it in a tree!

He saunters back out of the woods to the others with no one suspecting anything. WELL DONE.

At Zapatera, Serita recounts to the others what happened at Thunderdome. She says that it was hard to watch Russell break down which is nice to hear that her reactions were authentic. Krista and Stephanie have a hard time hearing the others rejoice at Russell’s demise. They hold strong that numbers were a better strategy while Military Mike claims synergy is better which they have without Russell around.

Heading back to camp, Lose Lips Phillip tells Kristina that they should not tell the others about Ralph having the idol. Kristina plays it as “you know best about these covert affairs so whatever you think” when really she thinks

Phillip says he’ll try to get her moved up the pecking order with his secret intel about what went down at the duel.

Phillip pulls BC Grant and The Bossiah aside to reveal what REALLY happened, which immediately tries Rob’s patience. He tries to hurry the story along, but Phillip snaps back with a “let me tell the story.” Back it up, man. You don’t know what you’re messing with here. He asks if his intel is important enough to move Kristina up the boot list. Rob instantly has no idea why he’s working her angle when they are suppose to be in alliance together. He agrees to it, and Phillip spills the beans the Serita is the leader on the opposing tribe and Ralph has an idol. Afterwards, BC Grant and Rob agree that Phil can’t be trusted and needs to go. He clearly knows where he stands, otherwise, why would he be scrambling to help Kristina.

The Immunity Challenge consists of lots of tools,

and rope, planks and of course this seasons favorite thing…tiles. The winning team also gets a bbq set with food. In the first leg, (The Bossiah vs. Oompa Loompa Ralph) Ralph tears into the crate and pulls out the shovel leaving Rob in the dust.

Second leg, (BC Grant vs. Firefighter Julie) Grant picks up the lost time using his hunting skills by leaping into the sandpit, but Julie just barely edges him out finding the hatchet first.

Third round, (The Bossiah vs. Oompa Loompa Ralph) Ralph swings that hatchet and hacks right through the wood as chips fly everywhere. Ralph releases his saw first while Rob struggles.

Fourth round, (Military Mike and Steve vs. BC Grant and Lose Lips Phillip) Mike and Steve have a clear lead in sawing off their planks. They leave Grant and Phil in the dust! Literally.

Serita and Stephanie head out for the final leg of assembling the planks with Rob and Kristina on their tails. Zapatera takes the lead with their tribe on the mat first. Stephanie works on the knots to release the hammer with Ralph knocking the nails down on the tiles to win the challenge.

This my friends was one of the best team challenges I’ve seen in a long time. After 20 seasons where the challenges feel really recycled, this felt somewhat fresh! Kudos to the game makers. Ralph wraps up the victory with a crow. Seriously. I do not support humans making animal sounds on national television.

Zapatera dodges a kiss from Karma with their win. The tribe prepares their feast. Military Mike has never been this hungry in his life. You know how he knows that? He hasn’t thought about sex in two weeks. All he thinks about is food.

Oompa Loompa Ralph is rambling on about the food. I think. I can’t understand him at all but he seems happy. I’m not sure how happy Steve is that Ralph wants his mustard.

Ohmyteepee is ready to send Phillip home. He has managed to annoy everyone to the brink. He calls the pre-tribal council trying to pep up the tribe, but they just want him to shut up. Anna Paquin reports back to The Bossiah that Kristina is acting strange and talking about the idol. They think she may have it. Rob plays along and proposes to split the vote between her and Phillip.

To him Kristina is more of a threat than Phillip, so he wants her out. BC Grant and Ashley would rather have Phillip gone.

Rob tries to hold firm with getting rid of Kristina. He knows if all goes as planned, then he’s still in control. Phillip approaches Rob about whom to vote; he tells him Kristina. Phillip sidebars that Rob is not a man of his honor so he must take control and make moves at Tribal Council. Here comes the Lion! Or the Gorilla…no it’s the Lion! I can’t remember which one does what.

Out the gate at Tribal, Jeff puts Kristina on the spot stating that she’s in the hot seat every time they are there. He asks Anna Paquin about giving players a second chance, in this case Kristina. Her response is Kristina’s nice. Rob states that Kristina seems to have just decided to join the tribe so it may be too late. Kristina says they should vote out the weak link, which Jeff in turn asks what defines that. Disruptiveness and well, Phillip is disruptive. Lose Lips doesn’t swallow this and puts it back on her that he is a Doer and she just shows up to dinner. She retorts that she does plenty around camp and Phillip agrees she has but only in the last three days. He has what he calls The Shepard Stamp with the tribe, which means since his mother died at a young age, and he has 96 brothers and sisters, and he joined the army and was discharged honorably as a sanitation worker and they know what he is all about.

Oddly, Jeff just lets this sit and says nothing further and instead gives Kristina a chance to plead her case why she should stay. She does. It’s boring. Let’s vote.

As the rain comes down, Jeff reads the votes. Phillip. Kristina. Phil. Kristina. Tied two all. Phillip. Kristina. Tied three all one vote left. Kristina. Hit the bricks.

Next week: Rob makes sure Phillip is wearing his underwear before he cuddles and Russell’s witches prove they’ve learned a thing or two by creating descent.

Kristina arrives at Redemption Island and plans to “rock it.” You're not cool Kristina. The kids say "goober" these days not "rock it."