Finally! The moment we’ve all been waiting for, a good old-fashioned duel to the death on Redemption Island. My dream was to see Lose Lips Philip vs. Fransessqua, but The Bossiah pulled a fast one last week and sent Pantene Matt in for the fight of his life. It’s gonna be a crapshoot here. Matt isn’t really the brightest bulb on the tree so Fransessqua could take it to him. But then on the other hand, it’s hard to tell how much guts this attorney has. Bring out the pistols!
Fransessqua is completely stunned to see Pantene Matt. She totally expected Lose Lips Philip but this?? A disciple of The Bossiah?? There is a glimmer of hope for her. I’m unsure if Pantene Matt can find the drive to compete with his hurt and betrayal. He feels like a goober. Did he just use the word goober?
Back at Ohmyteepee, Rob is basking in the glory of his victory. Kristina played the idol, and he broke up the potential threat of a Andrea/Pantene Matt twosome. He spills the beans to Philip about the Blonde Ambition Alliance, which really has turned Brown. He anoints Lose Lips as the 5th member of the Alliance, and he seems to be ok with that. I’m not quite certain if he has heard of “last one in is the first one out” but we’ll see. Rob knows Andrea is going to be piiiissed so time for some major interference.
At Zapatera, the tribe gets word that two members will be going to witness the end of Pantene Matt or Fransessqua. Defense Dave and Steve (who maybe has had 47 seconds of screen time up till now) pick the two purple stones that grant them entrance to the duel. I’m not really excited about this. I think the players should be in the dark about who’s left over on Redemption Island. I mean really what’s the point? Over at Ohmyteepee, Ashley and Andrea win the golden tickets. Andrea is all excited about seeing Matt which is exactly what scares The Bossiah.
At Redemption Island Arena, Jeff rambles on about Fransessqua and Matt starting their journey to get even. Defense Dave is so nervous, he has to plug one nostril.
Jeff reminds them that for whatever reason, the tribe mates didn’t want them around. Andrea immediately chimes in with, “I didn’t vote for either of them.” Hey Andrea, read my lips. PIPE IT!
Pantene Matt is way over confident with his underdog complex so my gut is leaning toward Fransessqua taking this one. She is oddly calm. The duel is tying a bunch of sticks together to retrieve three keys and unlocking a door. Lame. I want muskets!! Fransessqua gets her pole together first and retrieves the first key lickety split. Matt gives his pole a try and it falls apart.
Fransessqua retrieves her second key! Matt goes for his first key again and…it breaks. Fransessqua’s final key is further out so it’s a bit tricky. Her pole breaks too. I wish the challenge was beating the crap out of each other with their poles, but I’m going to let that go.
Matt picks up the pace and just like that gets two of his keys. It’s down to the wire with both players stretching for the third and final key. Matt’s pole is looking to be too short, but he uses the strength of his hair and manages to get his third key and unlocks his door. For the love. My dreams are dashed of a Fransessqua/Philip showdown. Out she goes with Jeff making her throw her buff in the fire on the exit. Dramatic much? I guess no souvenirs from this experience.
Ashley and Andrea return to Ohmyteepee with the Redemption Island report. Rob has a chat with Andrea explaining that there were four people involved in voting Matt out, not just him. They all agreed, but he assures her she is still in the Alliance. She ain’t buying it and starts boo hoo’in about how they took her friend away. They didn’t kill him so pipe it Andrea!
There’s no crying in Survivor.
Over at Zapatera, Defense Dave and Steve spin the tail that “the blonde dude” got beat by the “black chick.” Let that sit for a second. Ok, onward. I’m not really sure why the energy to this lie. If Russell gets the boot, he gets the boot regardless of who is at Redemption Island, but Steve seems giddy to surprise him. Russell scrambles around with his girls to find the Immunity Idol to no avail. The clue has stumped him.
Meanwhile, Oompa Loompa Ralph is just sitting pretty watching the show. Stephanie concocts the plan to make a fake idol or in this case make the others think they have an idol by carrying around a satchel. Steve notices her holding on to the bag for dear life, but its uncertain whether or not he really believes there is an idol in there. But while Steve and Russell are watching Stephanie walk around camp with her bag, we are treated to this brilliant moment:
Unfortunately, its true and once again a handful of women on Survivor manage to put back the women's rights movement
What appears to be some sort of armpit mites eating away at Russell is actually infected skin oozing puss from Russell shaving his armpits. Really Russell? You’ve gotten so high on your horse that manscapping has become a priority? My how the might have fallen. It’s beyond pathetic and Ralph, Steve, and Military Mike agree. He needs to go at first chance.
Stupid Steve gathers part of the tribe and suggests throwing the next challenge to get rid of Russell. I mean really, has he never watched this show? Thank goodness for Firefighter Julie who speaks some rational, what a minute, Firefighter Julie?? Where the hell did she come from?
Well regardless, she is the only voice of reason reminding everyone that throwing a challenge could mean one less person going home from Ohmyteepee and potentially giving them the opportunity to gain momentum. But Stupid Steve won’t let it go and has some stupid thumb sign to give if they are throwing the challenge. First The Bossiah is touching people on the shoulder at Tribal Council and now this? I mean really, what’s with all the covert signs people?
I’m giving this plan a
What's the sign for "What a bunch of morons?"
Immunity Challenge has balls, bondage and spitting. Kinky. The added reward is a portable dungeon.
Prior to the challenge, some random chick in a black hat gives the secret thumbs up to throw the challenge.
I think Steve is confused not knowing who this is, but hey it’s the sign so he’s going to help throw the challenge.
Three players from each tribe are strapped to a wheel and must spit water into a tube to release a ball. Even kinkier than I originally thought. Stephanie and Christa are spitting for their lives on Zapatera, but Julie keeps “missing” and Steve starts to “slow” down.
Once each team has their ball released, Rob and Defense Dave have to put a puzzle together which The Bossiah kills and Dave “has trouble with.” Russell watches and seems suspicious of the apparent first defeat of Zapatera. He smells the betrayal.
Over at Ohmyteepee, victory is short lived as the entire tribe goes rabid tearing up their reward loot looking for the hidden Immunity Idol clue. The Bossiah admits that he normally could care less about the idol but that has always bitten him in the ass. Finally. He learns. But Rob is unsuccessful at finding it as is the rest of them. That is until he notices the chair Lose Lips Phil is lounging in looks like its lopsided and about to break.
He realizes the clue is hidden in the fabric and manages to get Philip to move his “fat ass” out of the chair so Rob can “fix it.” He finds the clue, but it may as well be written in Greek for what Rob can decipher. At least he knows no one else has it.
At Zapatera, the scrambling begins. Six of the tribe agrees to vote three for Russell and three for Stephanie in the remote chance they do have the idol. Meanwhile, Russell and Stephanie decide to target Firefighter Julie to join their coven. Stephanie tells her they have the idol. Julie thinks it makes sense to join with Russell who has been there before. And just like that, she drinks the Kool-Aid and strips Stupid Steve of his title. She is now Stupid Firefighter Julie who has no clue when she’s walking into a burning building! Russell gets his own two cents in and assures her he has her
bleepin back if she joins him and votes out Ralph.
At Tribal Council, Jeff asks Ralph his feelings on his first visit. He says there are good parts and bad. Jeff wants to know what’s good. Ralph swirls the marbles around in his mouth and says he was told there were two parts of the game. Jeff and everyone on the planet is confused. Ralph explains they have two teams in the same team. A division. Ah ok. Clear as mud. Jeff lets it go thankfully.
Russell says he thinks the other tribe mates threw the challenge. Steve and Military Mike pretend to be shocked, but Stephanie’s mouth takes over and goes on and on about Russell and how good he is and the merge and numbers and boy do I wish you would PIPE IT STEPHANIE!
And incidentally Steve, you might want to tone down your “shocked” look; you at least want to try to fool them.
Jeff corners Steve about whether they did throw the challenge and he again denies it. Defense Dave takes the hot seat for getting his ass kicked on the puzzle against Rob. Stephanie chimes in and there’s no love lost between these two who clearly do not like each other. The random woman giving the thumbs up at the challenge apparently is named Serita. Alright then. So Serita says Russell is like a black cloud around camp never doing anything, and Stephanie nearly has a conniption coming to her man’s defense about how much firewood he gets. She is D-voted for life to him.
Jeff asks Ralph to explain his reaction to what Stephanie just said. I rewound this twice and have no idea what he said, but Jeff miraculously seems to think he said Stephanie eats fish. I think.
Time to vote. Russell gives the look to Stupid Firefighter Julie. She seems to be on board. What the hell?? During the voting its revealed that Oompa Loompa spells exactly the same way he talks.
Russell in turn votes for Ralph with a “this is my game sucka.”
Jeff counts the votes with the first three going to Russell, Ralph, and Stephanie each. Two more go to Russell and another to Stephanie. Two more go to Ralph with a three for Russell three for Ralph two for Stephanie tally. One vote left. Russell is sitting pretty thinking he has this in the bag with the last vote going to...
Stephanie. Bless you Firefighter Julie. You have lost the Stupid. Shockwaves go everywhere with the three way tie. Everyone votes again except those three and the rest can only vote for one of those three. In comes the tally for the second time. Tension!!
First vote Ralph. Then Russell. Russell. Russell. And then finally a fourth vote for Russell. Sweet sweet victory. Russell storms off warning the others with “I’ll be back; be ready.” Oompa Loompa Ralph says he will certainly be ready. And out Russell goes into Matt’s loving locks.
Hey Stephanie, I sure hope you have better success at predicting weather than you do playing this game.
Next week Lose Lips Phil is hunting in his Underoos. Again.
Russell arrives at Redemption Island with the shock of his life. It’s Pantene Matt!! Wow, Stupid Steve. You really know how to surprise someone. Please. Don’t ever throw me a party.
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