And just like that he makes me look like a jackass. JT confides in Amanda that he got rid of Cirie when he had the chance. So goes his “I didn’t do it for myself” speech, and thankfully Amanda recognizes it. I’m in awe of how Amanda sounds so important and so dull at the same time when she speaks. It’s quite a feat.
The opening credits are back! My eyes are pealed but this is all I can report in potential spoilers: there will be trees and water in coming episodes.
Well Tyson’s rules of coaching Coach seem to have gone clean out the window. Instead of flying under the radar, Coach flies over it, around it, and next to it by somehow getting the whole tribe to do some Dragon Slayer Chi with him. Gag. A few glances around the circle, and the rest of the tribe seems to be humoring the occasion. Coach rambles on about muscle control but it’s all bullshit since the Dragon Slayer Chi fails to control his biggest muscle: his mouth.
Russell Baggins uses the opportunity to look for the hidden Immunity Idol, and surprise he finds it. Really guys? You all know he’s looking for it so you just all decided to stand in a circle moaning until he finds it? Idiots. They should stop hiding these things and just give them to Russell.
Reward challenge is Grab the Pig Basketball with the victors winning a trip to chocolate heaven. Jeff passes around a plate to each tribe with a taste of what’s to come. The Villain women are all beside themselves inhaling the samples, while Camp Losers don’t even touch theirs. This creates a crazy weird atmosphere when Jeff calls out Cry Baby Colby asking why he appears annoyed at the samples. Why Jeff? Cause this Cry Baby wants to get to the challenge so he can lose and cry some more. After all, it’s what babies do best. Quite frankly, I think Jeff misinterpreted his look of annoyance for what appears to me to be a pinched look of constipation.
Cry Baby Colby tries to rush Jeff into starting the challenge, which pisses off Probst. He snaps at Cry Baby; he’ll start the challenge when he’s good and ready. I put my hand to my mouth because I don’t like these kinds of awkward moments. These two just need to take a moment to themselves, pull down their pants and decide who’s bigger without dragging the rest of us into these machismo shenanigans. Rupert says they’re just focused, and Russell Baggins chirps in something and it all gets weirder and weirder will somebody please start this challenge!
Villains sit out three women, and Camp Losers need to sit out a man. Cry Baby Colby volunteers. WHAT THE!? After all that? I need this guy shipped back to Texas pronto. The challenge is a free-for-all with three players on each side getting the oversized footballs and throwing them up to three other players on the platform trying to make the baskets. Lennie James takes what looks like a minor fall but it tweaks something in his leg sending Goliath to the ground. The giant tries to get up but can’t. Dang it, I hate it when people get injured on this show and are removed! It’s a buzz kill. He tries to walk it off but medical pulls him from the challenge. I thought Jeff would stick in Cry Baby but I think he’s still bitter over the opening bullying and having lost the Who’s Bigger Contest. He’s from Texas, Jeff, come on. Camp Losers continue on with one man down.
No matter. Tom is able to get two footballs to the throwers, and Amanda sinks one in. Camp Losers are on the board! Suddenly, this challenge turns to prison rules and gets ugly fast. JT is manhandled and drug over to the Villains side but Rupert makes a quick steal and gets the ball back to the Heroes. Without being anywhere near a football, JT and Coach start wrestling clearly settling their own score without a care for the challenge. Obviously, these two need to take a side moment as well.
It ends with a body slam to the ground from JT. Dragon Slayer down!
Moments later my jaw drops when Tyson scores just as Rupert flings Lady Dragon Slayer and face plants her into a post. Lady Dragon Slayer down! It’s like a Shakespearean tragedy of love.
Jeff stops the challenge. I expect blood to be pouring from the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer (that’s kinda fun to say) but miraculously, she arises intact. Rupert says he didn’t mean to do that. Show of hands who believes this one? (Lois put your paw down.)
Tie score. Who will die next? There’s a lot of scrambling and throwing and blocking and punching and kicking but finally a football thrown by none other than the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer scores. Sweet justice. Hey Rupert, I’m sure she didn’t mean to do that. I’m glad she won it for the team but the downside is after that hit to the face all of her teeth are going to fall out when she bites into that chocolate.
Medical wraps up Lennie James’ leg. Nothing broken, but he has stretched something. If he can walk, he can stay. Otherwise, another loser bites the dust. Meanwhile, the Villains are bathing in chocolate delights. I actually can’t imagine eating any of this stuff after being on such little food. Sure enough, the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer gums that she is in both chocolate euphoria and sickness. And she has indeed lost her teeth.
Swimming in a lagoon, the Villains discuss Russell Baggins knowing he must have the idol. Meanwhile, Russell Baggins is wining and dining Parvati and confides that he does have the idol. She’s stoked because the target has been on her to be the next one out. How Russell having the idol helps her, I have no idea because there’s no way in Middle Earth that he would ever give it to her. But he does tell her she can ride his coattails. She snaps back that she doesn’t ride coattails. I’m uncertain if they’re still talking about the game but no matter, their big plan is to get rid of Rob. They decide to try to sway Coach to the dark side. Coach is Rob’s best girlfriend so I’m intrigued to see how this is going to go down.
Coach is in awe that Russell Baggins has confided in him. Of course, his honor is conflicted. He wants to play the game with Rob but Russell told him a secret so clearly that means:
You like me! You really like me!
Coach gets down on one knee and there’s talk about knights, and monumental is thrown around all while Russell Baggins begins to reel in Coach who’s so excited that he fails to feel the big hook in his mouth.
If Rob goes before Russell Baggins I will eat one of Lois’ hairballs.
All the Losers at Camp Losers are worried about Lennie James except Tom. He sees it as a potential advantage to get rid of him. Amanda is in tears over it, and Cry Baby Colby is pissed at her because there can be only one cry baby on the team and she’s steppin on his block. Lennie James comes hobbling into camp. It would be a tragedy if he went, as Amanda reminds us, because he’s already previously left the game from injury. I don’t see how he can gimp his way through this one.
Lennie James lies around resting in the hut with Craft Service Candace and Amanda. Amanda asks, “In order to get an MRI what would you have to do?” Craft Service Candace answers the question for him as her eyes do the same thing mine do. “Leave.” Amanda responds with a sincere, “oh wow.” Really Amanda? Clearly, she thought Lennie James would be able to hobble down to the Urgent Care Hut. But thanks anyway for providing the rest of us with the memory of hearing the dumbest question ever to be asked on Survivor.
The Immunity Challenge is Blindfolded Puzzle Race. What’s with the blindfolds AGAIN? Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer and Lennie James are the callers for their respective tribes. The rest of the tribes are paired up left to find random puzzle pieces and bring them back to base. It’s sweet to see Tom and Cry Baby Colby hold hands. Really sweet. Really.
There’s a lot of bumping and tripping and toes stubbed. Poor Boston Rob seems to be taking the hardest knocks from this challenge.
Hit...
After hit…
But he finally comes up with a good strategy on how to keep himself and his future children intact.
The tribes are neck and neck with one piece left. Lennie James begins to lose his voice which makes me laugh and terrified all at the same time. He begins to sound possessed by a demon as he tries to get Rupert and Craft Service Candace to get the last piece and bring it home. If his head starts spinning, I’m outta here. Thankfully, the Heroes get their last piece first and start building the puzzle. They have a lead but…well you know how this goes. The Villains win their fourth Immunity Challenge out of five.
If there is a chance that the entire Heroes team could be voted off at tribal, I would be all for it. Since that won’t happen, back at camp Lennie James makes a case that he’s more valuable injured than Tom, but come on now. Lennie James has to be the one to go. Really, he does.
In the aftermath of their defeat, the Losers have one of the most amusing exchanges this season. Tom chimes in that clearly the Villains can beat them at puzzles. And shooting baskets Cry Baby Colby adds. Or pretty much everything except…sumo wrestling JT says. Colby closes it with a “pretty much.” That’s good TV right there.
The plotting starts with Tom and Cry Baby Colby aiming votes at Lennie James. JT is conflicted because logically he should vote out James, but he can’t do something snaky two weeks in a row and vote against his Alliance. He hasn’t really thought it through all the way because if he does vote with Tom and Colby against James, well his alliance is pretty much gone. As in not in the game. All gone home, JT. Nobody left because you will be destroyed without physical power. Rupert is dead set against voting out James once again proving that he has no need for a million dollars. If I were on this show, my strategy would be to find out what Rupert is doing, then do the complete opposite. Guaranteed Sole Survivor. Craft Service Candace thinks voting Tom is a bad idea. Rupert immediately conspires with Amanda and thinks about turning it on Candace, all reminiscent of what happened last week when Cirie got the boot for opening her mouth. JT is all over the place but then seems to sway more toward siding with Tom. Well that is until he looks Rupert in the eye and says he’s going to vote Tom out. Cry Baby Colby breaks it all down for us: JT is wishy-washy. Finally, this guy’s head is in the game. He said something smart.
At tribal council, the hot topic is Lennie James. Jeff says currently his niece could beat James in a race. James says hell no and claims he could beat Jeff. Jeff, you already lost this contest with Colby do you really think you can beat James? There are no moves to take a side moment to settle this. Good move Probst.
Talk turns to what went wrong at the challenge. Lennie James throws the blame toward Tom and Craft Service Candace. She deflects it stating he’s trying to blame them because he knows they want to vote him out. Well played Craft Service, well played. The fingers start pointing all over with none of it really making rational sense. Tom addresses that he thinks he’s the one going home tonight but makes a final plea to keep him around for the sake of the team’s strength. Lennie James chimes in and offers a guilt free deal to everyone: vote him out if you think Tom will do better. Do it JT, do it!! This is the only chance you’ll get to double cross Lennie James without getting your neck snapped.
Time to vote. The first two go Tom’s direction, but then the next two to James. This could go either way, and I don’t have a gut sense. Incidentally, my gut has been wrong this whole season so probably better that I not make a guess. Next vote Tom. Yikes! And last vote Tom. Out he goes proudly carrying the Marquis of Queensbury Rules with him.
I’ve never been a fan of Tom’s but this was a huge mistake. The Heroes officially pose no threat to the Villains and will lose from here on out. Since that’s my gut, there is a chance that they will now win every challenge. I doubt it.
His Best H vs. V Move: Trying to align with JT. Two previous winners at the end is the only way either one could win.
His Worse H vs. V Move: Not leaving his ego at home
In two weeks on Wednesday (set your DVR’s!): Russell Baggins vs. Boston Rob, a Thunderdome exclusive.
In the closing words, I’m shocked to see that Craft Service Candace voted against Tom. What the hell is wrong with these people?
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