Redemption Island Week #10

Last we left our Survivors, The Bossiah upheld a strategic divide between the two former tribes, Military Mike and Defense Dave were sent packing into the arms of Pantene Matt at Redemption Island, and Lose Lips Phillip turned into a bird man.

Over at Redemption Island, Pantene Matt is bending God's ear telling him he wants out.



And to this I say...



I mean really?? God hates liars, Matt. And have you forgotten, he knows all. Your ego may be hiding the truth from you but not God. He says he'll stay in and do his best cause his dad wouldn't quit, his brother wouldn't quit, and Jesus wouldn't quit. I'm guessing non of those three would sit around a cry as much as you do either Matt so I need you to friggin PIPE IT!! For the love.

His hair is really blown when Defense Dave arrives. The three of them discuss what they think is going to happen. Is this the final duel with the three of them? And Pantene Matt actually asks a somewhat interesting question. Can you have a duel with three people? All of his hair falls out as he tries to figure this one out.

At Murlonio, Gimpy Steve, Firefighter Julie, and Oompa Loompa Ralph sit feeding their faces thanking their lucky stars Defense Dave got the boot instead of them recounting the events from the previous night's Tribal Council where Phillip was in typical form.



They all feel the heat of the Ohmyteepee force. Steve can't figure out what Phillip's game or standing is for that matter. He's bugging the crap out of the Zapatarans, but the Ohmyteepees don't seem to be bothered by his shenanigans.



Little does he know what he put them all through before the Zapaterans arrived to get kicked around.



Phillip rambles on again about Buddhism and meditation and premonitions. Apparently, he had another vision from his Grandfather who he now understands to be a correlation to Rob. I can kinda see the resemblance.





While they may not have the numbers, the Zapatarans have plenty of rice. They sit around feasting on their spoils while Phillip watches. He's non too pleased and thinks the rice belongs to all of them. He sneaks into their bag and steals a couple cups.





I see some major trouble coming down the pike here. Hard to make an argument that the rice belongs to everyone when The Bossiah has created such a great divide between them.

It's time for the duel! It consists of building a tower of tiles. First two to make it past the designated point get to stay. Loser goes home for good. Boring. When Jeff asks about the back-to-back blindsides, Pantene Matt makes some lame ass comment that his never been hurt so bad by strangers. Ah poor baby, it's hard being pretty isn't it? Let me guess; you were ALWAYS picked first.

The duel or thruel whatever the hell it is, is actually a bit tense. Military Mike jumps ahead to the lead but struggles to get the one tile to stand that will put him to the mark. His tower sways and looks like it could tumble. Matt and Dave stay steady and catch up. Mike finally gets the final tile up shortly followed by Pantene Matt.



Defense Dave is out...for good this time but he will return as the first member of the jury.



Meanwhile, The Bossiah is a little nervous that Matt is still in the game. Matt on the other hand has renewed energy and will continue his quest to take out Rob...if it's the Lord's will of course.

Back at camp, The Bossiah and BC Grant are singing the "Rice War" song in reference to Phillip's newest bur in his fur. Or pink panties as it may be. On-drea discovers maggots have invested their rice.



She and Phillip pour all their rice out on a blanket and separate the bad from the good. She asks Gimpy Steve and Firefighter Julie if they can put their good rice in the Zapatera rice can. Steve of course isn't keen on the idea and says they need to discuss it with Ralph.



But Phillip just isn't having this answer. He can't fathom how selfish some people are in the game which is baffling to hear. Again this is all a ramification of the lines that Rob has drawn. And really, I can't take anything Phillips says seriously looking like this:



He addresses the issue with Steve himself, and it all quickly explodes, I mean EXPLODES. Steve holds to his guns that they'll discuss it with Ralph, but Phillip barks at him saying they are one tribe now and if he wants to put the rice in their container, he can. He tells Steve he better plan on keeping the container with him at all times because he's going to take it as soon as he has a chance. Steve drops the crazy word at Phillip and this sends him over the edge. He starts a rant that ends with him dropping the race card which shocks everyone. Grant's face is priceless.



On-drea tries to quickly squelch it from going further down that road but Phillip brushes her off.



Phillip claims that he can't ever make a point to any of the former Zapatera without them calling him crazy. (There's a reason for that.) He spirals into the black man being held down and that's why some of them go crazy and how could he ever be a special agent if he was crazy.



It's all nuts. And as if it can't get any more awkward or intense...it does.



And now everyone is scattered because there is no turning back from this. Steve tells Rob that they plan on voting for Phillip in hopes of getting the others to join. Rob talks to the Ohmyteepees and agrees that once all the Zapaterans are gone, the old crazy Phillip that's rearing his head now will be in full force. He marvels at how Phillip turned a conversation about white rice into a race war and sees Phillip as Public Enemy #1. He just now needs to figure out who Public Enemy #2 is.





Time for the Immunity Challenge. It is a puzzle. Whatever. Boring. Lame. First six that get past the first level go onto another puzzle for the final. Challenge begins and Survivors have to spin around to get the base of their puzzle off a pole.





Everyone is moving fast. Ashley bites it.



The Bossiah is the first to finish.



Followed by Firefighter Julie



Oompa Looma Ralph



Defending Immunity Champion On-drea



Gimpy Steve



And rounding out the top six coming in way behind the pack, BC Grant



Everyone else takes a seat on the loser's bench. Survivors start the second round which is another flurry, but it really becomes a race between The Bossiah, Gimpy Steve and On-drea. But it's The Bossiah, the puzzle king, who comes out on top winning his first Individual Immunity.



Post challenge, the old Zapatera have their last meal as a threesome.





Pretty much everyone is tired of Phillip at camp.



Even Firefighter Julie is ready to throw karma to the wind and takes actions in her own hands. In an uncharacteristically aggressive move, she marches over to the laundry, takes down Phillip's swim trunks, and buries them. Yes. She buries them.









Impressive. This of course starts a shit storm. Phillip starts interrogating everyone in a way that only an experienced FBI former agent can. He comes up short on finding the culprit no matter how threatening he is. And bless him, he does try.



His antics pretty much have two kinds of reaction.



The "wow this is entertaining"



and the "Dear God I'm in hell."

Tribal Council is a whooper. Assuming Phillip had another preminition from his dress (or lack thereof), Jeff walks on a landmine. Phillip explains that his clothes were stolen and that he knows it was Steve. Jeff asks if knows this from his FBI training; of course the answer is yes. Steve rebuttals and recounts the scenario of the rice war that ended with Phillip dropping the "n" word. This gets Jeff's attention real quick. He asks Phillip why he said this. Phillip takes off on something about Richard Pryor equatting the n word with crazy. So since Steve calls him crazy all the time that is obviously what he means.



Jeff tries to get him to see how crazy it is to make that leap but Phillip interupts his interuption. He goes into a whole disortation about asking Jeff if he knows what if feels like to be a woman and how women just know when a man is making derogatory comments so in that same vein he knows that Steve is being racist when he says crazy.



Good night.

Jeff tries to flip the logic on him by saying he doesn't know what Steve means by crazy because he isn't in his shoes. Phillip starts in on a story about he and his dad and how a man made his dad feel weak and small and Steve interupts and says he's played the NFL for 11 years and doesn't have a racial bone in his body and God love Jeff Probst who somehow is able to make everyone feel like they are being heard. "Crazy" pushes Phillip's buttons and Steve didn't mean what Phillip thought he meant. Hey Jeff, there's an opening in daytime if you want to hang up this gig.


He even gets Julie to admit she took the shorts.



Wow. Let's move this along.

Time to vote. Three votes to Lose Lips Phillip. Any guess who this vote belongs to?



But it's time to put out the Firefighter Julie, as she gets the remaining votes.



Another one bites the dust.



I don't know about you, but I need a nap after this episode.

Redemption Island Week #9

Well I have a feeling that from here on out it's going to be a roller coaster ride! Last we left our heroes, Anna Paquin proved she could outlast the muscle, Military Mike made a move to seize power by coaxing Pantene Matt and On-drea to join with Zapatera, Oompa Loompa Ralph played an Immunity Idol he didn't need too, and Matt found himself living his very own groundhog day on Redemption Island courtesy of The Bossiah.

Pantene Matt crowns himself as one of the most naive people ever to play the game. It's ironic in that Alanis Morissette kinda of way. He confuses ironic with stupid. Nothing to do with naivete. And quite frankly, I think his ego is a wee bit to blame too. Perhaps if he stopped blindly living life blaming God for everything and actually lived his life, things would be different. Step up Matt. You're wasting the life God gave you. He's as bored watching you as we are.




Back at Murlonio, the Zapatereans are all crying in their beer while Ohmyteepee is business as usual. Military Mike gives The Bossiah props for their brilliant move of getting rid of the wild card. Defense Dave is quick to correct Mike; Ohmyteepee didn't make that move, Rob did. He says it was like a mob hit right out of a movie. Then Firefighter Julie starts boo hooing about poor Pantene Matt being sent back to Redemption Island and how heartless they were for doing it.



Pipe it, Julie! There's no crying in Survivor. Matt made his own bed. And I'm sure Russell and his witches have a few choice words about your heartless actions sending them packing. The only reason why you feel bad is because things didn't go your way.

There is not much to say about this except the visual of Rob with his Superman curl is right on target. He seems invincible right now.



Oompa Loompa Ralph makes a really pitiful attempt to cozy up to Anna Paquin and Ashley trying to get information regarding if he's on the block. Then he offers them top three. Luckily, they hold strong and realize he is in no position to offer them anything.

The Bossiah gathers his disciples and implements a buddy system; no one is to talk to the Zapaterreans without someone else present from Ohmyteepee.



In a sidebar, Rob lays out his brilliant plan: maintain an "us against them" mentality so the Ohmyteepees hate the Zapaterans and arrogantly show it. The catch is, he's not going to be arrogant because he wants their votes. To further the goal, the two tribes have separate sleeping areas and different eating schedules.





Anna Paquin takes The Bossiah aside to fill him in on what Ralph said to her and Ashley.



She spills the beans that Ashley blatantly said she wasn't going to tell Rob that Ralph promised to vote for her should she make it to the end. This stirs up the Godfather in The Bossiah. It's his game. And now she has to go. But I'm hoping this doesn't become his undoing! Rash decisions made from bruises to the ego are a one way ticket out of the game. Just ask Russell.

At the Immunity Challenge, Lose Lips Phillip arrives with a feather strapped to his head. Jeff asks if he had a run in with a hawk. He says he was mediating and asked for a sign and the feather appeared out of thin air. "Out of thin air it just appeared?" Jeff asks. Yes. Phillip holds to the claim.



The challenge involves clubs, tiles, digging, drowning, spitting, and puzzles. I don't even get excited about the clubs because I know nothing exciting will happen.

First round, Survivors have to dig up a club to break a tile. The first six to finish move onto the second round. To no surprise the first one through is



BC Grant followed by



The Bossiah then



Oompa Loompa Ralph followed by



Military Mike. Having the four big guns make it through instantly makes for a very interesting challenge. I think this challenge will become a very pivotal point in the game. I count on one of these four to be sent packing at the next Tribal Council. The final two spots are given to



Defense Dave and



Firefighter Julie, the lone woman to make it through. Quite an impressive showing by Zapatera with four of their five making it through and putting the squeeze on The Bossiah and BC Grant.

Second round, Survivors have to put their heads in a trough, suck up water, crawl under the trough then spit the water in a tube. First three to fill their tube to the marked spot move on. BC Grant and Military Mike lead the charge with Defense Dave narrowly beating The Bossiah for the third and final spot. Two Zapatarans against one Ohmyteepee for Immunity.





Third and final round is building a puzzle. BC Grant and Military Mike dust Defense Dave.



But it's BC Grant who comes out on top winning Individual Immunity.



Upon returning from the challenge, Military Mike notices the flagpole has been moved.



He and Defense Dave start digging around thinking there might be an idol somewhere.



The Ohmyteepees notice what's going on and paranoia immediately sets in. Phillip runs to the spot and starts digging like a rabid animal. The Bossiah looking like he's lost all control grabs the shovels and starts digging.



He admits in a sidebar that the idols drive him crazy since it's the thing that lost him the game before.

Military Mike is hoping that they believe they may have already found an idol. Defense Dave is delighted to see the "Mariano Crime Syndicate" running in circles. The Bossiah gathers his disciples to discuss the plan for Tribal Council. Military Mike is their biggest threat, but Defense Dave is a strategic threat and has a greater possibility at beating Panene Matt which is their bigger end game.

At Tribal Council, Jeff kicks things off addressing the fact that Phillip's feather brought the good fortune to the Ohmyteepees since Grant won the challenge.



Phillip says his great great grandfather, Jessum Harring who was a full blooded Cherokee,



came to him in a vision and told him that Grant would win AND that the former Ohmyteepee should live long in Survivor lore.



Jeff shifts over to Julie and asks about who may be at the bottom of Ohmyteepee. She says they absolutely can see it but not sure the members of Ohmyteepee can. Defense Dave spills the beans; they think its Phillip. And God bless him, Phillip immediately retorts saying he's ok being on the bottom because he can look up and see whats going on.



He rambles on like only he can do about being at the bottom of his family, but now he has a new family on Survivor. Burn. Crazy done backfired on you Zapatera. But Julie let's out a lightening bolt saying Matt thought he had a family with them too.





Jeff asks Ralph what are they going to do because they're trying to find a way in but keep getting blocked. Ralph says something, but all I understand is he may try getting a feather. Phillip is not pleased about this. He says it takes courage and determination and knowing when to hold your tongue to get a feather. Or maybe just a walk on the beach? And essentially that's what Ralph retorts with. Maybe Phillip can just walk on the beach and a whole bird will fall on him and then he can have a whole gob of feathers!



Jeff asks Mike what he thinks about Phillip's feather. He says he thinks Phillip is insecure and trying to find himself.


Too late. Thanks a lot Mike. We all then have to suffer through another long list of Phillip's accolades in the army and FBI. Defense Dave tells him to give it a rest which only makes Phillip go after him stating that Dave is only making desperate comments because he's in a desperate situation. Kudos to Phillip for actually saying something that makes sense.

Jeff is completely befuddled and has no idea who's going home. Time to vote. The first five votes go to Phillip.



And the next six go to Military Mike. You will have plenty of time to think about sex on Redemption Island.



Back at Murlonio, The Bossiah makes sure Lose Lips Phillip hasn't taken any of what was said at Tribal Council to heart.



Rob has done what Fransessqua and Kristina could not; tamed the lion. Instead of a lose cannon, Rob now has a loyal soldier and will reward him as such. He intends on taking Phillip and Anna Paquin to the final three.

The next morning we get a look into the mind of Lose Lips Phil, and it's quite intriguing. He knows exactly what Rob is up to: taking someone to the final three that has ruffled some feathers. It's somewhat unsettling to hear him calmly lay out exactly what Rob is doing. Phillip has a plan to counteract this, but now is not the time.

Meanwhile, Oompa Loompa Ralph can't stand it anymore. He needs to make a move on infiltrating the Ohmyteepees. Defense Dave warns him that he is only going to get one shot at this, and he can't talk to them all. Ralph tries to approach Phillip and On-drea but pretty much gets this:



Phillip says he's willing to talk about steer and home life but has no interest in game talk. It completely frustrates Ralph and Dave. Phillip is quickly becoming the dark horse to win this thing.



Defense Dave pouts that the game is no fun when no one wants to play it. Funny, that sounds a lot like what the two witches said about you. Your claim then was that you were playing the game just not the kind Krista and Stephanie wanted you to play, and that is exactly what's happening to you now. Oh there is lots of game playing going on, it's just at your expense.

The Immunity Challenge consists of monkey bars, hanging, and water. My sister lost her too front teeth doing this challenge when we were kids. Survivors pick a white and a black rock. White rock means you don't want to play and instead want to eat cheeseburgers. Black rock means you are in it to win it.



Lose Lips Phillip and Gimpy Steve are the only two to pick cheeseburgers. Usually I hate quitters, but I can't blame these two. They don't stand a chance on winning this so have at it boys!

Everyone takes their positions.





Survivors can use legs and hands for the first 20 minutes but then legs only after that. The Bossiah is the first one to struggle. He just can't find a comfortable spot and out he goes.



Phillip starts talking smack at Defense Dave. Jeff eggs it on saying there is no love lost between them. Dave says he has no problem with Phillip, but Phillip retorts that he has lots of problems with David. I marvel at this strategy because more and more I'm convinced Phillip is skirting his way to the final.

Five burgers and 20 minutes later, everyone moves to legs only. Firefighter Julie can't handle the heat and down she goes into the water.



There is nothing naturally prehistoric about this challenge at all, so it's no surprise that BC Grant holds no instinctual abilities to knock this one out. Down he goes immediately followed by Oompa Loompa Ralph.



45 minutes later it's Defense Dave and The Bossiah's Angels left, Anna Paquin, Ashley, and On-drea. Everyone is looking like they could drop at any second, but it's Dave who drops next.





On-drea pleads with the other girls that she really wants this and asks them to drop. So they do. This I don't understand because if you really want it, then earn it! And if there's one thing you should never do on Survivor is throw a challenge. Ever.





So On-drea is handed Individual Immunity. Way to go! You should be proud of yourself for working so hard on convincing your teammates to hand it to you.



Back at Murlonio, the Zapaterans are beat down. Ralph finds a bunch of fish caught in their net, but Rob says they are no good because they're dead.





Ralph begs to differ; he says he's caught fish before and eaten it three hours later. No matter. All the Ohmyteepees follow Rob's lead and refuse to eat the fish while the Zapatarans feast.

Firefighter Julie says it would be different if Rob had caught the fish. Then everyone would have no problem eating. During their meal, she lores BC Grant over to take a bite which he does.





She tries to get him to eat more, but he returns to the Ohmyteepee fold. There is no appareant repercution for him going against The Bossiah.

Rob is at odds with who to vote next: Defense Dave or Gimpy Steve. Dave is the bigger strategic threat, but Steve is a potential easy jury vote.

Phillip arrives at Tribal Council adorned in his feather. Jeff ask him if there have been any more meditations. Phillip says there is something going on that hasn't in 22 seasons. Something glorious and beautious called...


STEALTH!!

R...Us...finished out by Rob and Grant. Oh boy. Lose Lips Phillip lives up to his name and maps it out for Jeff. He is The Specialist, and his duties are to infultrate and supplant inceptions into the former Zapatara. Boston Rob is the Mentalist who develops strategies for challenges and strategic alliances which are impervious.



Grant is the Destroyer of Aspirations, "The Assassin", responsible for going out and competing and destroying all competitors. And last but not least, The Three Degrees who are highly effective, formadable, agile and have supreme abilities for focus their mind.



Wow. Jeff directs the statement to Ralph that it's pretty hard to fight Stealth R Us. Ralph agrees but then wonders if Phillip's grandfather told him to sit out the challenge and eat burgers today. Burn!

In typical teflon fashion, Phillip dodgers the remark and says his team knows where his heart is, so that's why he ate today. Big deal. Jeff asks Gimpy Steve about his decision to sit out the challenge. His answer is exactly what we all knew. He hadn't a prayer in the challenge so he ate. The next question to Phillip is if the Zapaterans have tried to infiltrate. Yes, of course but Phillip says they have a buddy system that protects them. Firefighter Julie elaborates. None of the Ohmyteepee are ever alone. It's not a tribe, it's a cult run by Rob.



Defense Dave comments on the insurrmontable odds for the Zapatarans. At this point, Redemption Island is a better strategy of getting in the game.

Time to vote. First four votes to Rob with one reading "count as four."



Nice try Dave.

Next four votes go to David.



And the final two to David. The defense rests.







So Defense Dave is awarded a spot in a duel against Military Mike and Pantene Matt.

Next week: Lose Lips Phillip starts a "who's crazier" fight with Gimpy Steve