I’m on fire going into this episode. How quickly things change. Just mere weeks ago I was on the Villains bandwagon. Right now you will find me sleeping over at Camp Losers spooning with Cry Baby Colby. It’s a crazy world folks. Lois and I spent the last hour making Russell Baggins voodoo dolls. We don’t have any pins in the house, but Lois’ claws come in handy for the pricking part.
This episode doesn’t open up with the normal “previously on Survivor.” Instead, for the first time ever, Jeff Probst gives a commentary on last week’s episode clearly painting Russell’s ego as the downfall that will destroy the Villains in the wake of Rob’s exit. It’s a little odd. Clearly, no objective reporting from Jeff Probst this week. I love it.
Oh man this is going to be good. Russell Baggins, Chaka, and Parvati are gloating over their victory over Rob. Parvati and Chaka love blindsiding people especially when they deserve it. All in due time ladies, all in due time. Coach is on fire. The Villains tribe is in the crapper, and Russell is a bully. It’s amazing how the fog has lifted and Coach and Jeri seem to be crystal clear on the huge mistake they just made. Jeri says she already misses Rob. Coach calls her out asking why she was so quick to get rid of him. All she can say is, “I was quick to get rid of him, what are you talking about?” I’m talking about methinks the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer doth protest too much. Coach knows that this new Alliance is all based on lies. Do they make a play against Russell Baggins? Jeri says wait for the merge. Coach doesn’t see them winning another challenge. And the both agree that regret makes them look like Violet Beauregarde.
Over at the Heroes tribe, Amanda and Craft Service Candace notice JT is missing. He of course is looking for the idol going against the tribe’s creed to look for it together. JT finds the Idol and gets caught red handed by Amanda. JT decides to come completely clean to the whole tribe.
Craft Service Candace's response to Amanda, “Good thing you walked up.” So true. JT is getting slimier and slimier and I’m not taking about his hygiene. Candace lies the seeds in Amanda’s head that JT is not to be trusted. After all, isn’t he in with EVERYBODY on the tribe?
The Villains surmise from their tree mail that the merge is imminent so they pack up the whole camp and take it to the challenge. The Heroes are shocked to see Rob missing. Rupert’s thought is, “clearly all girl alliance.” This of course puts Russell Baggins’ ego in a tizzy. JT mouths
to Russell Baggins. What the hell is that about? When did these two get into bed with each other? Gross. And really JT, talk about airing your male chauvinism. What does it matter that the Villain women are picking off the men? It only sets JT up for the merge. On any given day, he could most likely beat any of the women in a challenge as he proved the season he won. I just find it odd that he is so taken with Russell. Grow up in the deep South much?
Cry Baby Colby is nervous seeing that the Villains brought their tools. What did he miss in the clue they read? Hard to say Colby. My guess is that you couldn’t read clearly from your waterworks. Jeff plays with the tribes. “Drop…your…expectations.” No merge. Time for some Survivor Bowling. Three points gets the winning tribe a feast. The Villains have trouble deciding who is sitting out but eventually Sandra and Courtney take the bench.
Round One Parvati and Rupert: Parvati gutters while Rupert makes contact. On her second roll, Parvati gutters again giving the Heroes a point.
Round Two JT and Chaka: JT hits six pins. Poor Chaka gutters. JT misses on the second shot. Chaka needs six but finds the gutter again.
Heroes up 2-zip.
Round Three Russell vs. Colby: Russell throws a big fat nothing into the gutter. Colby bounces his shot and gets the same result. Second shot Russell knocks over five. Cry Baby knocks out one on his second shot slipping back into his normal sub par performance. Heroes lead 2-1.
Round Four Coach vs. Amanda: Coach knocks over five. Amanda matches it with a throw of her own knocking down five. Second roll, Coach catches one more pin. Come on Amanda! I can’t believe I’m rooting for her. Amanda throws her ball and barely skims the pins knocking down exactly two. Ain’t the reign of Russell Baggins sweet? Heroes win!
The Heroes enjoy yet another feast. The Heroes discuss the dismissal of Rob. Insane move! JT is convinced the women are in control in the Villains camp and that Coach and Russell Baggins are on the outs. Boy, are they in for a surprise.
Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer is pissed off! She hates the tribe. They’re idiots for packing up the camp, idiots for sitting out Sandra and Courtney who now have to be in the Immunity Challenge, and idiots for voting out Rob. Hey Jeri, whom did you vote for last week? Its ok darling…here’s your bed…now shut up and lie in it.
Jeri is on fire about making the mistake of sitting out Sandra and Courtney. She is looking for someone to blame with her finger pointing at Coach. Sandra has had it. She equally hates the whole tribe. Sandra is scrambling to keep her and Courtney in the game. She decides to get even with Coach. She plans on planting a bug in Russell Baggins’ ear that Coach is gunning for him so that he will of course go after Coach. Oh Sandra. You may save this season yet.
Sandra gets Russell to totally bite. He believes Coach is after him for voting out Rob. Russell Baggins runs to his luva Parvati. This works perfect for their plan: vote out Coach convincing the Heroes that there is an all girl Alliance which in turn will will sway them to invite the devil into their tribe. Dammit, that could work. Except for the fact that Sandra has a big mouth. Did they forget about that? They will have to remove her tongue in order to pull this off.
Immunity Challenge is a mud obstacle course belting tribe members together. First two pairs to get a flag wins. Jeri and Chaka take the bench. Come on Heroes!
Round one Russell Baggins and Sandra vs. Amanda and Craft Service Candace: The pairs are neck and neck but Sandra begins to struggle. The Heroes get the flag first and lead going back. Heading to get their flag, Sandra struggles to get on her feet, and Russell Baggins loses his pants. I have never been so thankful for a sensor blur in all my life. Bless you, CBS.
Russell is totally through with Sandra while Candace and Amanda get to the finish line.
Round Two Coach vs. Rupert: What’s with the one-on-one? I thought the whole gimmick here was the tether to the teammate. Whatever. This is a weak attempt at getting the Villains a point. It’s a tighter race than I thought it would be, but Coach pulls it out. I’m calling major shenanigans here.
Round Three Parvati and Courtney vs. JT and Colby: The girls slip behind, as the boys dive through the course no problem. The Heroes win easily. Courtney limps off the course having twisted her ankle. This forebodes her doom.
At the Villain camp, the tribe is depressed while Coach seems to be high on mud. He thinks about getting rid of Russell Baggins to avenge the demise of his two best friends. Apparently, the pain of not stopping the vote against his best girlfriend Rob has given Coach amnesia. Russell Baggins has bought Sandra’s lie hook, line, and sinker. Coach is going home. Chaka is livid at this plan. They have a better shot with Coach. It’s stupid to let him to go. Russell Baggins can’t even stand Danielle challenging him. Careful, Chaka. Poke the bear too much and you’ll be sent back to the Land of the Lost. Russell Baggins has a change of heart. Danielle’s right; Courtney needs to go. Parvati is getting leery now at Russell’s flip-flopping. I love it.
At tribal, Jeff asks Danielle if she has regrets voting out Tyson and Rob after four straight losses. She defends the decision because they were such big threats. Jeff points out that in a physical challenge, Coach was the only one to win a point also citing that Tyson or Rob could have done better than Courtney. She of course takes offense, also addressing that she was not part of voting out either of the two guys. Coach gets in on it because he in so many words feels like Courtney doesn’t give it her all going into the challenge. The two bicker back and forth but the real lead balloon lands when Coach states that he is not the one demoralizing the tribe. Who could that be? Jeff mentions that the tribe continues to make decisions based on alliances and not on keeping the tribe strong.
Time to vote. Coach. Coach. Courtney. Courtney. Courtney. Coach. Coach. Unbelievable. This tribe is full of idiots. Coach is the first member of the jury. I can’t wait to see Sandra’s next move. Coach is sent packing but not before he gets some Dragon love.
Ain’t love grand.
His Best H vs. V Move: Aligning with Rob
His Worst H vs. V Move: Not voting to save Rob
Next Week: Unfrickinbelievable. JT is going to give Russell the Immunity Idol. Since they preface this with a recap of all the other dumb moves in 20 seasons of Survivor, its safe to assume that he will do it.
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