So I’m giving this season two big thumbs up so far. In typical Survivor fashion, the players are driving me nuts with their irrational moves, but regardless I have been more than entertained. I’m stoked for this episode! I’m not usually big on the double elimination but its less pain when two of these knuckleheads are tossed out. I would think Rupert and Cry Baby Colby to be the ones to go, however…
This episode opens up with a whole recap of Russell Baggins’ reign of terror. I’m thinking this is some foreshadowing that he is getting a one-way ticket back to Middle Earth. Please. People. For the love.
The Ying Yangs are walking back after Tribal where Amanda, possibly the most boring player to play this game but somehow gets asked to play every other season, was put out to pasture. Rupert and Cry Baby are pissed; Craft Service Candice gave them all a coffee enema and voted with the Villains. The boy Heroes have a string of adjectives used to describe her: weak, pathetic, self-centered, greedy, and manipulative. AMEN. It was a dumb move on her part to go against the Heroes. Ironically, the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer doesn’t trust her at all now because of how easy it was for her to flip.
Rupert decides that it's time everyone saw Russell Baggins for who he is. Sure Rupert’s a bit of a late bloomer here; everyone already knows that guy is an ass. Hell Sandra came up and told him so but let him have is moment. And it’s a juicy moment. Rupert calls him out on his “swear on my kids.” Russell Baggins drones on and on how its part of the game, but old Rup just continues on telling Russell how despicable he is. You can see Russell’s blood boil.
This dude cannot handle being called on his shit. I hope Dr. Phil is waiting in the woods for the intervention. On to the first Immunity Challenge. Players must stand on a small wood block with their hand in the air tethered to a bucket. Hand falls, so does the bucket full of paint or colored water or waste from the other side of the island where nuclear testing is being done. Cry Baby Colby is so not winning this challenge with his clown feet. There will be food enticements and a secret scroll given out. Jeff brings out the first covered tray and immediately Sandra and Russell Baggins want it sight unseen. I would normally be thinking “what the…” but these two don’t have a snowballs chance at winning this challenge so eat up. I hope its breaded island turds. Damn. Cookies and milk.
Did she just say these cookies are off the hook? It’s an Oreo, Sandra. They must not serve those at Outback. Next up iced coffee and four doughnuts. The cookies had no appeal to me, and four doughnuts on a stomach with no real food for 30 days almost makes me puke thinking about it but Cry Baby Colby is sold. He comes down. We’re all saved from a close-up of his gnarled feet wobbling on the block...OH GEEZ LOUISE!
Thanks Survivor Editor. You just couldn’t let us have that moment for 30 seconds, could you?
It’s down to Rupert and Parvati and both look pretty strong. Rupert loses is footing though and down he goes. Parvati wins Immunity, the second time she’s won this challenge. Jeff reads a clue to a hidden Immunity Idol to the group. There’s something about crossed paths, burning bushes, and the Ten Commandments, I don’t know. I hate hidden Immunity Idols.
It’s mass chaos back at camp as everyone scurries to find the idol. Everyone except Cry Baby Colby. He’s nowhere to be seen; probably in the shelter crying. Sandra is confused thinking there will be a real burning bush but Craft Service Candice sets her straight. Nothing will actually be on fire. Now that she knows she’s just looking for a red bush, Sandra finds the idol. Everyone watching this is as shocked as she is. She struggles to find a place to hide it since it bulges it out of her pocket. I want her to try putting it in her hat, but she hides it under another bush instead. I predict that Russell will find it there or she will completely forget where she hid it.
Meanwhile, Rupert comes up with the brilliant idea to make it look like he found the idol. He puts a big rock in his pocket. And the fish bite. Russell Baggins, why he knows idols and what they look like and tells Sandra that Rupert has it in his pocket. Sandra is happier than a Bloomin Onion. Russell decides they should split the votes tonight to smoke out Rupert’s idol. Russell Baggins tips off the Witches of Eastwick. They discuss whom they’re going to stick in the cauldron next. Parvati and Chaka say Colby; Jeri wants Candice. It’s a desperate move to get that moment alone with Colby in the Calistoga but I agree. About the Candice part. Colby doesn't strike me as someone who's much fun in the back of a Calistoga wagon.
On the other end of the woods, the Heroes make a last stand. Cry Baby Colby tells Rupert that the votes will split between the Rupert and Candice or himself. In the event the Villains choose Candice, they need to vote that direction as well to get her out. Cry Baby Colby is finally strategizing, and I now have a concussion after falling off the bed shocked that Colby is strategizing. Apparently those razor commercials didn’t pay him enough and he does need the money.
Tribal Council is going to be juicy. Jeff asks Rupert about the fallout from the last vote. Rup says there are two Heroes left; Craft Service Candice jumped shipped. Her defense is that the numbers were already against Amanda, and her vote didn’t matter. I’m sure Sandra has a mouth full of blood from biting her tongue. The Texan in Colby takes over; he has no respect for her excuses. Jeff asks Russell Baggins about Candice’s decision. It puts her in good with the Villains. There are two Heroes left that have to go and consensus is that Rupert is tonight’s target.
Easy boy, easy.
Time to vote. Jeff calls for the play of the hidden Immunity Idol. Rupert makes a brilliant move toward his pocket. The Villains are look like a bunch of cats in a room full of rocking chairs.
The Villains are shocked and confused when Rupert doesn't play the idol. Jeff gets the votes and reads them. Rupert. Rupert. Rupert. Not looking good. Candice. Candice. Candice. I’m smelling a fresh batch of coffee coming off the craft service truck! Candice. And final vote Candice.
Flip-floppin’s a bitch, ain’t it?
Her Best H vs. V Move: Agreeing to step off the craft service truck and play the game in a pinch. Who the hell is she?
Her Worst H vs. V Move: Voting out Amanda with the Villains instead of voting out Russell when Sandra agreed to jump ship. Dumb ass.
Russell Baggins is all stirred up back at camp. He could spit fire for letting the girls convince him to vote out Candice. Truthfully, I think that was the better play. Candice is far more dangerous than Colby or Rupert. What he’s really mad about is that he got played. Rupert doesn’t have the idol. Russell hates to be wrong. Furthermore, he knows he’s not in complete control of the game. He and Parvati have equal share. Had it been his idea to vote out Candice, all would be well but that's not the case. Russell Baggins claims he’s going to take control so fast “they won’t even know what hit ‘em.” Thus, his downfall begins.
Immunity Challenge is getting a peg through a maze, first five move on. Climb a wall with your peg, first three move on. Final round is a slide puzzle. First round, everyone is digging for their peg, and Rupert finds his first with a lead. All the others follow suit with. Wa, wa, wa…Cry Baby Colby bringing up the rear. Rupert gets through the maze first, followed by Sandra. Good for her! No way would I have predicted her making it through the first round at all. And her response?
“I can’t believe it.”
Russell Baggins, Parvati, and Chaka fill out the five leaving the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer and Cry Baby Colby in the dust. No worries, I’m sure they’ll take advantage of the quality time together waiting together for the challenge to finish.
Onto the wall. Russell Baggins all but shimmies up the wall using only two of the four pegs. Rupert and Parvati finish neck-in-neck making up the final three forcing Sandra and Chaka to the sidelines with Jeri and Colby. Girls, if the wagon’s a rockin, don’t come a knockin!
Russell and Rupert fly through the slide puzzle leaving Parvati in the dust. It’s a near photo finish, but Russell Baggins is granted the win. That slimy bastard will live to see another day. This seems to be lookin like an exit for Colby. Someone better be warming up a bottle at Ponderosa.
Back at camp, Parvati makes a move to get rid of Rupert. Colby sucks in challenges; Rupert has to go. Russell Baggins is worried about the Parvati/Chaka alliance. It’s time to break them up. He approaches Danielle about getting rid of Parvati. Russell works his Kool-Aid like a pro, and she drinks up. She’s conflicted because she is in tight with Parvati. I’m conflicted because I can’t figure out how she successfully hid that Immunity Idol clue without anyone seeing it
Russell Baggins continues weaving his web approaching Parvati telling her that Chaka wants to blindside her. He’s banking on that the girls won’t talk to each other about the supposed blindside. Has he never in his life hung around women? I write him a quick note:
Dear Russell Baggins,
When men go to the bathroom together they stand in silence peeing next to each other.
When women go to the bathroom together they do not remain silent. They chit-chat. That's why they go in flocks.
I thought you should know.
BH
P.S. You're a dumb ass.
His major misstep is insisting to Parvati that she can’t confront Chaka about the "blindside." Bad move telling a dominant woman what do to. No puts Parvati in the corner.
Parvati and Chaka compare notes and know Russell Baggins is pitting them against each other. They immediately run to the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer to plead not to change her vote. She confirms; Rupert is out. Russell rounds up the boys to let them know Chaka is going home. Cry Baby Colby and Rupert are stunned. This is too good to be true. Russell Baggins gets in Jeri’s ear about getting rid of Danielle. No way she says. He tries to bully her threatening that if she doesn’t, she will go next. Not because of him but because of some mysterious reason he can’t say. Jeri looks a bit worried. Russell has done a good job of stirring the pot!
At Tribal Council, Jeff asks Rupert who is running the show. He thinks Russell and Parvati. Jeff asks the same question to Chaka, and of course she doesn’t agree. The Villains make decisions together she says. Oh my dear, dear Danielle…
Jeff poses the question to Jeri, and she says “hell no” everyone is not agreeing. Back to you Chaka. She finally conceded. Fine. There was a “misunderstanding” today. Crazy chaos. Parvati jumps in and says that she and Chaka were pitted against each other. Jeff is salivating. Do tell. Parvati says that Russell Baggins told each other them that the other was planing on blindsiding the other. Russell Baggins starts spinning a lie about Chaka coming to him first. He keeps on talking even though she interrupts him continuously. She is on the edge. Russell claims he was testing her to see where her loyalty was since he is firmly with Parvati. Poor Chaka. First Amanda unfairly tried to steal the Immunity Idol clue from her and now this. Life's a bitch. Colby, pass the torch. There's a new cry baby in town.
Chaka has a complete meltdown. Things get more and more uncomfortable except on the jury. They’re eatin this up.
The back and forth continues between Chaka and Russell Baggins. She can’t understand why he’s doing this. He continues towing the line that she would have voted out Parvati had he agreed to it. She retorts with "it wouldn’t have happened because I’m closer to Parvati than what you think.” The record scratches. Silence. Parvati wishes she would just shut her trap.
Russell Baggins catches the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer’s eye and mouths “Danielle.” Jeri’s face is full of concern now. Chaka has dug her own grave and continues going on and on about her loyalty to Parvati. I hear the faint sound of Rick, Will, and Holly calling. Time to vote.
Rupert. Rupert. Rupert. Shit. Danielle. Danielle. Danielle. Danielle. YAHOO!! Oh man, there is some justice in the world. Parvati is stunned and all Chaka can say is:
After weeks of frustration watching dumb ass moves, this episode goes down like a shot of silky smooth Russian vodka.
Her Best H vs. V Move: Aligning with Parvati
Her Worst H vs. V More: Her inability to hold her tongue at tribal council
Her escorts wait in the wings to take her to Ponderosa.
Next Week: Looks like an all male alliance is forming!
So coming into the homestretch, let’s make a few predictions, shall we? This is purely for your entertainment since I have now proved over and over that I am terrible at guessing what will happen next. Get out your dollars out folks; here are my official thoughts on who will win this thing. If you’re betting real money somewhere, do the opposite of the below:
Rupert – With consideration of the current jury and who will potentially join them, Rupert fans are split. I’ll give him a 2-5 chance of winning.
Russell Baggins – Ain’t no way, no how, no matter how many socks he burns or machetes he hides. 1-100. Everyone hates him. I’m sure Coach will be convinced to vote for him though.
Cry Baby Colby – He could cry his way to a few votes. 3-15
Parvati – The craziest thing about this final six is that the two previous winners have the best shot to win again. 2-5
Sandra – She’s my favorite to win. Has been from the start. The fact that she was considering turning against the Villains and Russell found out about it AND she is still there is a testament to her game play. 1-2
The Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer – Jeri is the dark horse. She hasn’t really pissed anyone off. She actually has made some moves in the game, so she hasn’t been a complete coattail rider, but it would be interesting to see what the jury would do if she were up against one or both of the previous winner. 2-6
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