Dear CBS,
Your website sucks.
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Brick Hollywood
Onward. Well I’m not surprised at who is going but lets all pretend like you don’t know, and I don’t know. Lois certainly doesn’t know. She’s probably napping right now with her wears all hanging out spread eagle on the couch. I’ve tried but she just won’t be tamed into a respectable lady.
So after last week’s monumental episode (two idols played, the Villains taking the lead, and JT doing an awesome job playing the Ned Beatty role in Deliverance), I can’t wait to see the aftermath. Mostly, I can’t wait to see Russell Baggins’ response. He does not like surprises, and Parvati pulled a fast one on him.
Back at camp after Tribal, the Yin Yangs are all shell-shocked. Its odd to see both teams feeling the same way, but that just goes to show how pivotal Parvati’s move was. Russell Baggins, as predicted, is pissed. He feels like Parvati lied to him because she didn’t tell him about the second idol. Clearly, this man has never read the definition of “lie” but that’s beside the point. He’s rattled.
For the first time this season, I actually feel bad for Rupert. He doesn’t have much hope for the Hero tribe. Sandra is their only hope of breaking up the Villains, and having already approached the Heroes once, he’s not sure she will do it again. And he’s right. The best strategy now is for the Heroes to build a Calistoga wagon and have Cry Baby Colby be waiting in the back to give himself over to Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer.
Russell Baggins starts cozying up to Craft Service Candace. She goes on and on about what a good move it was that they pulled. I’m not sure who’s working whom more in this instance. As you may recall, I’m not convinced Candace has ever played this game. I don’t remember her at all from any past season, so my theory is she was pulled off the Craft Service Truck at the last minute when Gretchen canceled coming onto the show. This girl has proved she knows more than just coffee though. Russell Baggins doesn’t trust Sandra (nor should he) and is looking to solidify a replacement.
Now folks, for any future Survivor players out there, remember that when someone starts talking to you about “top six” or “top four”, they have no intention of keeping your around. Period. Craft Service Candace should run like hell from any deal offered by the slimy Russell Baggins. Russell is convinced Candace is ready to jump and tells the Witches of Eastwick they should warm up their cauldron.
Reward Challenge is shuffleboard. Winning team gets a screening of Treasure Island because Robert Louis Stevenson is buried in Samoa. Wow, awesome reward! What did this one put you back Mark Burnett? About $8.99 on your Netflix subscription?
Teams are:
Black Team – Candace, Parvati, and the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer
(Looks like a new season of Charlie’s Angels to me, Chaka. Watch your back! Remember when Cheryl Ladd was able to make the world say Farrah who? Fair warning.)
Red Team – Russell Baggins, Sandra, and Rupert
Blue Team – Cry Baby Colby, Chaka, and Amanda
Round one and the Red team is in control with two pucks near the mark. Russell Baggins and Rupert are the superstars so far. Sandra, not so good at this challenge at all. Round two, Chaka is able to knock out one of the two reds but still not the closest to the mark. No one can get that last red away from X. It all rests on Cry Baby Colby now to knock off the Red Team. Oh I can’t wait to watch this. I hope James is watching somewhere.
He shots and…
Unfrickinbelievable. Now this is looking more like Season 2 Colby.
See now, isn’t it a lot easier when you loosen up that girdle?
The Blue gets a tour of the Robert Louis Stevenson museum. They all look as excited to be there as we all are to watch this scene. Amanda is totally distracted looking for the clue to the hidden Immunity Idol. She knows it's there somewhere. Time for the movie to start. I have so many different reactions to this next shot, I don’t know where to begin, so I’ll simply remain silent and let you put in your own reaction.
Amanda can’t concentrate on the movie because all she is thinking about is the clue. But in her defense, being trapped in a room with Chaka, Cry Baby Colby and this:
What else are you going to entertain yourself with? And on a side note, this threesome might very well be the most boring three Survivor players gathered so it’s a good thing they’re together and no one else had to be subjected to this torture.
Amanda is looking all over the room, but since Chaka has pre-evolution eyes coming from the Land of the Lost, she is able to spy the clue hidden, of course in the
* Future Survivor Players – the clue is most likely in the food. Check there first.
Not able to get the clue in her normal hiding place without causing a scene, Chaka drops it next to the bed. But that Amanda is on to her and comes over to see what Chaka is hiding. She sees the clue under the bed and grabs it which sends Chaka into a fury. A catfight ensures. Amanda makes a dash with clue in hand but Chaka tries to take her down.
Alone in a room with two women wrestling…now this was a challenge worth winning. It's like live porn for a Texan Cry Baby.
Chaka keeps screaming to Amanda to give it back and repeatedly calls her psychotic. This really gets on my nerves because this is the second time in this episode where a Villain misuses a word. First Russell Baggins accusing Parvati of lying and now Chaka having no idea what psychotic behavior is. Grabbing a clue on a reality game show that could lead to a million dollar prize is actually quite smart. But Amanda stupidly gives the clue back when Cry Baby Colby gives her no support and says the clue belongs to Chaka. And the girdle tightens back up.
This whole fight has become a bit of a disappointment now. Amanda’s a wimp. Colby’s a pansy. Chaka is just annoying. While I was hoping it to be this:
It ended up being this:
B-O-R-I-N-G
Please can we move off of these three?
They return to camp where the rest of the tribe is huddled in the hut seeking refuge from a downpour. Later, Chaka reveals to Russell Baggins, Parvati, and Jeri that she has the clue. Russell Baggins and Chaka head down to the stream where the clue instructs that the idol is hidden. Russell finds the idol first but of course hides it not letting Chaka know that he has it. Oh Chaka. Good for you in getting a real lesson on what psychotic behavior is.
Russell Baggins runs straight for Craft Service Candace to solidify her allegiance. She wants to see the idol though. He takes her out in the woods and complies. I’m beyond baffled that Candace actually considers this to be a sign of trust after everything that happened with JT. Apparently rain and lack of food have a big effect on short-term memory.
Meanwhile in another part of the woods, Cry Baby Colby conspires with Sandra. He’s convinced that Chaka has the idol and will not give it up. It’s equally entertaining and frightening to listen to his thought process. Why and how he would assume that she and she alone has the idol (again has everyone forgotten what happened at the last tribal council?) is beyond me. I can see where this is going. Sandra will flip. They will vote out Russell Baggins. He plays the idol. A hero goes home.
And that’s what slowly seems to be what’s coming to light. Russell Baggins wants to know if Cry Baby Colby has approached her. Hell no! Just like Jeri said, "that guy is uptight and has no personality" is her response. This makes me laugh. As crazy as Jeri can be, she has hit the nail on the head. Russell tells Sandra they have six votes; one of the heroes has flipped but he doesn’t say whom. Sandra runs to Rupert, and they agree its Russell Baggins who needs to go. Colby gets Amanda up to speed on his conversation with Sandra. Amanda says they vote for whomever Sandra wants out. Colby says Parvati or Russell. He trusts that Sandra isn’t playing him. Well that’s true but that damn immunity idol is going to put a wrench in everything. Quite frankly, I liked the days when there weren’t so many idols running around. This multiple idols thing is getting old and ruins the game for me a bit. For the love.
Immunity Challenge is 150 tiles to each player to build a house of cards 10 feet tall. There are numerous crashes of tiles but the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer and Russell Baggins seem to have a handle on the challenge the most.
I have no stake in either one winning but this whole thing makes me nervous. I hate Jenga for this reason. It’s a nail biting finish as the Lady Jeri Dragon Slayer prevails over Middle Earth. I’m happy for her. I’m somewhat impressed that she has lasted this long…and that she builds wagons.
Sandra is voting out Russell Baggins. Its time for revenge. She’s doing it for Boston Rob, Courtney, Tyson, and hell she'll even Coach in there even though she doesn’t care about him.
While Jeri is swimming in “yea” over her win, Russell Baggins plots his next victim. Colby and Rupert look like they have no fight left. He still isn’t sure if he wants to take Sandra to the top three so he’s not ready to cut her loose. That leaves Amanda. “She’s like Boston Rob in a girl’s body.” I think that’s giving her way too much credit but hey, that’s just me. Amanda isn’t strategic she’s just rational. I suppose that’s a big threat on a beach full of numbnuts.
Russell Baggins confirms that Craft Service Candace is going to vote out Amanda with the Villains. Candace feels like she has no choice, so she’s going with the most solid plan. What the hell is wrong with her? She knows Russell has the idol and hasn’t told her own team?? What an idiot. Can we just end this season now and let Russell and Parvati do the best out of three rock, paper, scissors to decide a winner? Apparently, no one else has any interest in a million dollars.
Rupert, Colby, Amanda, Sandra, and Candace sit in the shelter discussing their plan to vote out Russell, not knowing that Judas sits among them. Candace runs straight to Russell and Parvati telling them the Hero plan to vote out Russell. Candace totally throws Sandra under the bus, which pushes Russell to confront her. Sandra plays dumb and says Amanda is going home. Craft Service Candace steps into the conversation, and Russell confirms to both of them that they are going to vote Amanda out.
Sandra goes back to Rupert reporting that they are at square one because of Candace. Good for her for calling her out! There is some scrambling for a new plan but Colby, Sandra, Rupert and Candace decide to vote Parvati out. They fear that Chaka will give the idol to Russell so scratch the plan to vote out Russell. Sandra point blank asks Candace twice if she is going to screw her. Of course Candace says no, she’s with them but really does this look like a face you can trust?
Colby boldly says that if the plan doesn’t work then they know it’s because Candace spilled the beans. Wow, Colby that’s the smartest thing you’ve said since Season 2. Sandra takes a private moment with Candace. Russell tries to approach but she tells him to get lost which is possibly my favorite moment of the episode. I’m tired of Russell up in everyone’s grill. Sandra confronts Candace on spilling everything to Russell. She is flipping to help the Heroes and can’t believe Candace is falling for Russell’s plan to vote for Amanda. At this point, Candace feels way too scared to go against Russell, and I suspect she has officially taken a big shot of Russell’s Kool-Aid. Another Hero will bite the dust.
At Tribal Council, Jeff poses the question of one of the Villains flipping. Rupert says it would be crazy since that would place that player fifth on the Heroes side should that happen. Sandra admits that the Heroes approached her since she is clearly already fifth on the Villains tribe. Jeff says that obviously its not all paradise on the Villains tribe. Russell responds that they all have different ways of playing. He and Chaka are aggressive, Jeri is calm, and Parvati is the charming one. Sandra chimes in that she wasn’t included in Russell’s breakdown of the team. He throws in that Sandra “is just there with us.” Jeff is quick to point that Russell's response there show clear cracks in the alliance. Rupert does an amazing job of acting like he had no idea and wishes he had that information prior to tribal. Overall, Rupert has impressed me the most in this episode in his attempt to save the Hero tribe.
Talk turns to the hidden Immunity Idol. Rupert and Colby immediately chime in that Danielle has it. Parvati and Russell both answer Jeff’s question of vulnerability and yes, they are vulnerable without the idol.
Time to vote. Jeff calls for the play of the idol. Russell Baggins hands over his idol stating his fear that someone has flipped. The general vibe is not one of shock. First vote. Amanda. Amanda. Parvati. Parvati. Tied votes and Russell looks really nervous.
Amanda. Amanda. Parvati. 4-3. And Amanda. Gone. Unbelievable. Craft Service Candace is an idiot.
Amanda approaches with the parting words of, “ok Jeff I know you’ve waited forever to do this.” That’s because impressively, Amanda has played this game three times now, and this is the first time she has been actually voted out. The previous two times she made it to the final.
Her Best H vs. V Move: Her original Alliance with James, JT, Rupert and Candace
Her Worst H vs. V Move: Not keeping the Immunity Idol clue. At the very least, look at it before giving it back!
Next Week: Russell Baggins and Parvati are at each other’s throats
Unbelievable. Both Candace and Sandra voted for Amanda!
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